Discussions

I frequently hear the complaint that someone won't participate in a discussion and instead will only say I don't want to hear it. Well, discussion is an exchange of ideas, not obtaining an audience; it's a privilege, not a right.

Part of obtaining that privilege is the discussion has to provide something to the other party too. Maybe it's education, or entertainment, or enlightenment, or amusement, or understanding, or a way to avoid boredom, or... but something. If having what you call a discussion feels similar to lecturing at the other party -spraying them with a list of your opinions- that's not a real discussion. If having what you call a discussion feels similar to disciplining a child, that's not a real discussion.

So what is a real discussion like?

• A real discussion uses your own thoughts. It bares your own soul. Watch out if the vast majority of what you're saying is copied from somebody else that you heard recently. The other party, who can explore those talking points more succinctly elsewhere, will soon become impatient and will likely tell you I don't want to hear it.
• A real discussion sticks to one topic. Flitting to a slightly different topic every time you speak shuts down reasoning. If for example you start out to discuss whether or not the Covid pandemic has ended, but then within ninety seconds shift the topic slightly again and again, say from Covid pandemic to Covid vaccination to Shingles vaccination to vaccination of the very young and the very old to what the CDC says about vaccination to whether or not the CDC is controlled by Big Pharma, the other party will become so exasperated they withdraw, saying I don't want to hear it. Such frequent topic changes are a dirty debating tactic that most people can't tolerate. (The fact that such frequent topic changes may be common in a few circles doesn't make them okay in the wider world.)
• A real discussion involves (possibly awkwardly expressed) reasoning. It's an attempt by at least two people to delve deeper into some topic. (It's not an occasion where one attempts to score points or win by tossing off one-liners.)
• A real discussion involves listening as much as talking. You may find yourself saying discussion, but thinking Be quiet. I'm doing the talking here. The other party will likely protest I don't want to hear it. Well, what would you do in that situation?
• A real discussion includes the possibility you will change your opinion. If you say discussion but are thinking I'm already right - you're the only one here who needs to change their opinion, the other party will likely tell you I don't want to hear it.
• A real discussion is respectful. You may find yourself speaking rationally, but thinking sit still and be quiet while I explain why your opinions are idiotic. Of course the other party will likely protest I don't want to hear it. If you can't fully accept that the other party has legitimate -even if different- opinions, the discussion is doomed and there's nothing the other party can do about it. If you open a conversation by complaining for several minutes about how stupid your parter's champion is, you've already primed your partner to hair-trigger resistance, and so even some seemingly banal comment may set off a stubborn flat-out refusal.

As we've seen, there are a whole lot of reasons you may face I don't want to hear it other than the topic itself. If nothing else, remember this one thing: in order to obtain the privilege of a discussion, there has to be something in it for the other party too.